Several weeks ago I wrote about reaching out to the veterans we know, the long lost friends we have; the idea of reaching into the darkness. In that post, I challenged everything to go through their contacts, find an old friend, and call one person. This is my follow-up.
Since then, I've reached out to several friends. I started with one close friend I know has been going through some tough times. He lives a couple hours from me, close enough I can go see him if things get really bad, but too far to plan on getting together just for a beer. Visiting him generally means an overnight stay on a weekend.
This friend, "C," is going through a divorce and is struggling to survive because his estranged spouse continues moving money out of their joint account. C is going through some serious life struggles. His struggles aren't unheard of though; we probably all know men just like C. We have all heard similar stories and known men going through similar circumstances.
G, a former roommate of mine, is doing well for himself as far as I can tell. G is married, has a beautiful daughter, and is doing everything he can to be a good father and husband and to provide for his family. We talked about old times, laughed at old jokes, and talked about some of my current struggles as his life is a little more stable at the moment.
One of the greatest benefits I discovered by reaching out to old friends, is they can help you reconnect with mutual friends. G actually gave me another phone number. G gave me R's number.
R is another veteran friend of mine. We were in the same unit when we were young and dumb. R was a good enough friend and brother that he let my wife, our oldest daughter, and I stay at his place for a month when we had to move from Washington to Georgia. He opened his house to us while we looked for a home of our own. That's the kind of friend he is. Imagine the disappointment I feel with myself for not talking to him for years.
R's life has changed a lot in the last 15 years. Sadly, and I knew this already, R lost both his legs in Afghanistan. He gave a lot fighting for the men to his left and right, but his spirit is still strong. Currently working for a State agency, his life is stable and he has plans for a future. He also had A's number.
A has been well also. He's been through more than most at work and is 7 years into a legal issue. His issue is big enough that it's likely to go to the US Supreme Court and impact cases similar to his in the future. I won't go into details, but I don't believe A was in the wrong. I do believe A was wronged. A is also another opportunity. He has phone numbers I don't have anymore and can get me connected with more people I called friends.
These past few weeks of outreach have done a lot for my peace of mind and given me more outlets for life's frustrations. I've been able to catch up, ask good men how they're doing, how they're dealing with their struggles. I've let them know I am available to them. They have a place to stay if things get too hard for them. They have a friend to call if they need an ear. They have a friend that will be there.
Not only can I be that for them, but they are that for me. Our friendship, our brotherhood, transcends time. We sweat and bled together. I've always believed nothing builds friendships like sweat, blood, and tears. I believe that more now.
Calling old friends, brothers, men made in the furnace of life reassures me my outreach is right. A text can't affect us the way a voice does. A tremble in the sound of someone's words has an impact on you that will never be felt in a text or an email. Hearing a man tell you he has your back, that he loves you, means more than we admit.
If you've been reaching out to your veteran friends, keep it up. If not, I urge you to. I've learned reaching out isn't just good for my brothers, it's good for me too. You may be fine right now, but talking with your brothers helps you as much or more than it helps them. They may teach you something too.
Keep it up.
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