I’ve recently been reminded there are people in my life who will never let me forget my past transgressions. There are people who continue to feed my demons and refuse to let me move past them. Despite my personal growth, my efforts to correct mistakes, my self-loathing, living in new ways, some people will never let go, forgive, and move on.
Our demons can be scary, powerful beings we want to destroy. We want to move past our mistakes, our pain, and our suffering. We want to move on. We spend days reading books, listening to mentors, reflecting after sessions with counselors. We struggle to create new habits, to surround ourselves with better people, and create support networks which hold us accountable and push us to achieve worthwhile goals.
Still, from the darkness, people will resurrect our demons. Past friends or loved ones will dig at us and attempt to awake the past so we relive it. The people we loved in the past know and will exploit our weaknesses. They know how to anger us quickly, how to hurt us, and ways to fill us with regret and make us relive the most painful moments in our lives.
I find myself wondering why the ones we relied on, needed, and trusted with our darkest secrets are the ones who will seek to destroy us. What emotions drive someone to be malicious or spiteful? What actions can cause such hate in us that we desire to hurt rather than walk away from another person?
Some say malice is an act in response to anger or an act of defense against perceived hostility or anticipated injury. There’s also evidence suggesting people act maliciously to punish, feel powerful, take advantage, for the thrill of it, or because they lack a conscience which would otherwise prevent the behavior (Simon, 2014). Sometimes, people act this way for the very reasons you left them behind.
Despite someone else’s desire to harm us or resuscitate our buried demons, we still have the power to keep those demons from rising up. We are still responsible for our actions. We still own our pasts, but we don’t have to be defined by them regardless of other people’s efforts to paint us as terrible people.
Continue to separate yourself from people who seek or act to harm you. Continue to reflect on your thoughts and feelings. Continue to grow. Continue to create yourself as the person you want to be. Keep your head up, despite the rain.
Works Cited
Simon, G. (2014, April 18). Character Disorders and Malice. Dr. George Simon. https://www.drgeorgesimon.com/character-disorders-and-malice/
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