Your Ghosts Will Destroy You Unless You Are Ready for Them

You cannot hide from your ghosts. You cannot escape your demons. They are a part of you. They are connected to you the same way your shadow is.

I met with a veteran this week. Someone who served in the same unit I did years ago. We didn’t know each other at the time, but we still shared some of the same experiences simply because of what we went through. We know many of the same people and have similar stories.

During our discussion over a beer, we talked a lot about life in general. We exchanged old stories, laughed about old times, shared what has been going on with us the last few years, and uncovered some of the life stressors we are dealing with. Talking and connecting with veterans is always a valuable experience for me. I really enjoy the comradery that comes with shared experiences and hardships. There is a lot of value in talking with someone whom you don’t feel the need to hold back from.

One thing that I always look for when I’m talking with other veterans, is an understanding of whether they have uncovered and dealt with all their demons yet. In this case, I don’t believe this man has. He knows they are there, present, and he has learned to deal with them, but I couldn’t help but feel as though there is more he still needs to deal with. He hasn’t completely prepared himself for when his demons may attack again.

I find most people don’t effectively deal with their ghosts. Most people hide from them and do what they can to avoid situations that give their ghosts strength, but they don’t really deal with them. You can’t assume that you can hide from your ghosts. You can’t. They are a part of you, like your shadow. Building walls around yourself, your mind, your heart, won’t keep the ghosts away. Walls only keep out the people and things that may actually be able to help you defeat your demons. You need friends and loved ones to help you, if you are lucky enough to have real friends and loved ones. They can protect you while you go through the hardship of dealing with the scariest, most painful thoughts you can ever have; memories.

To defeat your demons, you have to understand them. You have to need to recall those memories. You need to relive those situations. You need to study the moment your ghost was created. I suggest, if you know your ghosts are powerful, you do this in the company of other people. People that have your back. People you can cry with, people that will hold you down, people that will protect you from yourself.

Think through everything you can about the moment your ghost was created. Picture in your mind every decision you or others made that led to that moment. What sounds did you hear? What smells were present? What faces were there? What, exactly, were other people doing? What did you miss that allowed the terrible thing to happen? What could you have done differently? Then, relive the terror that created the ghost. Understand it completely. Understand the moments before, after, and during that horrible experience. Once you’ve done that, you can begin to label and understand every emotion associated with that time. The guilt, fear, terror, hate, pain, loss, love.

Defining the emotions lets you know what power your demons have over you. Reliving the experience, understanding it, lets you prepare for the future. Understanding means you will recognize the events that led to the terror and you will be able to avoid it. You can avoid the horrible situations that create such pain inside yourself. You can start to see that situations are not your fault. You can stop blaming, and start growing. More importantly, you will be stronger than your ghosts.

You cannot avoid your demons. They will always come for you when you least expect them. You can however, be prepared for when.