Reaching Into the Darkness

Short rant about #outreach, #22aday and the bullshit $20 #awareness t-shirts people confuse for real #action.

I was talking to a buddy of mine (I use that word on purpose because it has a meaning) who recently went through some shit in his life. I don't know know exactly what triggered it, but I know he needed to take a knee for a while and get some help.

First, I just want to say, good on him for having the strength and self-awareness to recognize he wasn't well and then reaching out to people that could help. 

A little about him. He was in a sister unit. I didn't see him everyday or even talk to him everyday, but we had worked together on previous things and he was in the job I was waiting for. He was living the busy, unforgiving dream we are all aspiring to live. From the outside, it looked like he had everything going for him. Talking to him in passing or at meetings, you could tell he was tired and working his ass off, but he was doing "fine." 

One Sunday, I get a phone call about something completely different from a colleague in the same unit and after discussing what we needed to discuss he asks me, "so are you coming over tomorrow?" I had no idea what he was talking about, and he filled me in that there was now a "hole" in the staff. Monday comes around, and rumors are all anyone can give me for information, but from that I was able to deduce there was a Behavioral Health issue.

I reached out. I sent some texts. Tried calling. But there wasn't an answer. A few days later, I sent some more texts. A couple days after that, I get a reply. He fills me in that he's working through it and only has his phone twice a week for a limited amount of time. Totally cool. I send him texts a couple times a week to see how he's doing, and within a couple days, I get a response. Everytime.

Months after my buddy returned from his in-patient visit, we have a conversation and he reveals something to me. While he was in the hospital I was the only person that reached out to him that wasn't a parent or the Chain of Command. REALLY?! Nobody else reached out?

As I've thought about this more over the last few days, it pisses me off. SO MANY people that worked with him every fucking day, and they couldn't reach out to see how he was doing? Didn't check on him? I wonder how many people are checking on him now that he's home? Are we so busy that we forgot? Where is the "give-a-fuck" we preach all the time? 

Then I started thinking about all the bullshit I see on Social Media. All the #22aday bullshit I see. The stupid t-shirts people buy. The posts about "reach out if you need help," or "I'd rather hear your story than go to your funeral." It's all talk! It's all bullshit! And you know what, I'm guilty of it too!

Looking at it now, I see it as a passive, half-ass attempt. Really, some of it is genuine and people want you to know they're available. Also, some people post that shit because it makes them feel good about themselves (douchebags), not because they actually want to hear anyone's fucking story or actually help a "buddy." Most of us, I hope, will always be there for a real friend, but we tend to draw the line there because it's inconvenient and it makes us feel uncomfortable. 

Talk. Its all talk with no action. Honestly, it's selfish AF. You are putting it all on them! They're already overwhelmed, and now you're saying, "do more (call me)." You're making somebody that needs help responsible for doing more. I'm not saying you're responsible for their actions or what's going on in their life, but you are giving them MORE responsibility.

Challenge! Instead of posting bullshit to your fucking FB, IG, Twitter, Snap, or WTF ever, pick up your phone and make a call! I'd bet, right now, you know somebody that is going through something in their life. Go through your contacts, find that one dude you knew from your last duty station that you haven't talked to since you left (they're still saved in your phone) and fucking call them. Ask them how they're doing. Spend five minutes reaching out. Take ACTION! And next week, call somebody else. 

Stop wasting money on t-shirts. Stop making somebody else own it. Stop #talking! #Act #DoSomething

*edit

After sharing this with a friend, I realized I was on an angry rant and pointing fingers a lot. The above, in many ways, sounds like I'm saying "hey, look at me, I'm better than you. This is what I did." 

While I did intend to stir some emotion in this, I wasnt intending to tewt my own horn and be a douchecanoe. Actually, my friend asked me a good, "look in the mirror" question (they like to challenge me that way and I appreciate getting called on my bullshit). They asked, "why did YOU reach out?"

That question made me realize I wouldn't have except for one thing. I'd been there. I've been in those dark places. It's not a good place to be. I HID that from the world and kept up the day-to-day like there was nothing bothering me and I was fine. Actually, I did a REALLY good job of hiding it and nobody, not once, really asked if I was ok... so, after some self-reflection and getting my thinking challenged by a good person I realized that more often than not, people keep the darkness inside and nobody will ever know until it's too late.

PLEASE! Reach out to people. Let people know you care. Make it personal. Call them.  Send the random text. We all know how good those things feel, so include somebody new this week, or rather, somebody old.

If you're in a dark place right now, keep fighting. Stay strong. Keep holding up that crushing weight. It's hard, but you've made it this far.  You may feel lost. You may feel weak. But the light is coming, and it will stomp away the darkness.