The Value of Brotherhood

For my adult life, I have moved around every couple of years, starting over in each place. With new environments, came a new job, new colleagues, new friends, and new routines. I have enjoyed and welcomed the challenges associated starting over every couple of years. Constantly moving has consequences however, I didn’t realize until more recently.

For me, the greatest consequence of this life style is a weak sense of belonging and a lack of strong relationships. While I work every day with some of the greatest people in the country, my relationships have been mostly superficial and had an end-date marked by another move. As my life has been upended lately, overturned even, I’ve felt limited on the number of people I can talk to about what is going on in my life. I haven’t had good sounding boards for my frustrations in life with work or family. I have found myself largely trying to “figure it out” on my own.

The more I’ve become involved in a particular Veterans’ Group, the more I’ve seen and felt the value in brotherhood and deep relationships outside my immediate family. In this group, we call each other “brother,” and we say “I love you,” a lot. This a group of grown men, not unlike any other group of men, but focused on each other. We are focused on the brotherhood and on other veterans that may need help. Below I discuss the three biggest parts of that brotherhood and how it adds value to my life.

Brotherhood gives a sense of Family. We call each other “brother,” and that word has meaning. We aren’t friends, we aren’t buddies, we are brothers. We look out for each other as though we are related. We may never have met if not for the club, but we are now family. We do things for each other we wouldn’t do for anyone else. We are willing, God forbid the necessity, to take up arms for each other if the call comes and fight whatever enemies the world throws our way. Many of those enemies aren’t physical, but demons deep in our psyche. We fight the demons together. We are a tribe, a brotherhood, brothers.

Brotherhood provides release; an outlet for life’s problems. It is a safe place where I can vent my frustrations, do some shit-talking, and unwind with a drink (or two) in a safe place with good company. My brothers are there for me regardless. If I call, anytime of day, they will answer the phone and listen to me. I give them the same respect and dedication. Often times when we get together, we just do “manly-stuff.” We start bonfires, drink plenty of beer, talk shit, wrestle, throw knives or hatchets at trees, all the stuff we used to want to do when we were boys growing up. We do these things without judgement and without care because we aren’t going to let anyone do anything stupid and there isn’t anyone else around to cause problems. It is a controlled environment, a group of men that others won’t approach without caution, and it gives us a safe place to be ourselves.

Brotherhood is about growth. My brothers give me honest feedback on my thoughts and ideas and where I’m taking my life. They give me tough love without expectation except to get my shit straight and not do wrong by the group. I’ve found honest feedback from people that care about me is one of the most important things I can have in life. Often times, the people we call friends will tell us what we want to hear or are so empathetic to our cause they miss the obvious holes in our plans or won’t bring them up because they want to “be supportive.” Being a part of a brotherhood is different however. We look for the holes in each other's plans and offer constructive criticisms. We bluntly tell each other when we think we are making mistakes or heading down a path that will lead to issues. We support each other, but we challenge each brother to make better decisions and strive for things that matter, not things that are expedient or pleasurable.

This tribe, this brotherhood is probably rare among most men. I think brotherhood is something many men are missing in their lives. It could be the difference between a downward spiral in life and productivity, the difference between life and death.