Grab Yourself by the Balls and Be a Man!

 

Grab Yourself by the Balls and Be a Man!

I spent some time this weekend with friends and met some new people. One couple I met this weekend, I would argue, may be headed down a dangerous path. I’m not sure, I’m an outsider and I don’t know what works best for them, but it was a path I would not recommend. Actually, it became the source of later conversations and now, this writing. The husband has put his balls in his wife’s purse.

The couple I met this weekend is completely typical. Actually, we all know couples like this and may even be in relationships exactly like theirs. We all know the husband. He is the dutiful man, working and living his life in a very emasculated, subservient way. He seeks his wife’s permission for everything. He drives the car his wife thought was best for the family. He doesn’t golf or otherwise get out on his own to keep track of his own mental and emotional health or spend time with the guys.

She is also typical. She allowed him to buy a motorcycle. She tells him how to do things more than asks him to do things. She absolutely wears the pants and is in charge of the relationship. I certainly didn’t ask, but I guarantee she withholds sex as way of punishing, wields it as a weapon.

The sad thing, I think, is this is not only a typical relationship, but it is one likely doomed. The utter emasculation of a man in a relationship not only has detrimental impacts on the man, but risks erasing much of what made him attractive from the beginning of the relationship, his masculinity. Despite social norms, I do not believe women actually are primally attracted to beta males anymore than they are attracted to dad-bods. It’s a fallacy, a lie told by society so people feel better about themselves. The way so many American women work to fatten and subjugate their husbands is both sad, and counter-productive.

I do think women do this for a reason, I just think they underestimate the long-term impacts of the approach (I’m speaking in general terms). I think many women DO like, in the eyes of other women, to make their men look less attractive. I don’t think this is intentional, but I think it adds a sense of security to the average woman. By being married to a man that isn’t attractive to other women, there is less concern he will cheat, less concern he will leave, and more assurance in the security that is marriage and family. An overweight beta male is less likely to get hit on by other women. He is less likely to hit on women and receive positive feedback. He is more likely to come back home where he feels secure knowing he has a woman that does love him, even if she doesn’t always show him that love. I think that security is false however, because if you really asked the man in that relationship how he felt, he would probably tell you he feels unloved and disrespected.

Men, if you are allowing yourself to become a fattened beta subject to your significant other, you are failing yourself and you are on the path to separation. Regardless of how many times she says she prefers your dad bod, she doesn’t. Unless she has some sort of genetic defect that tells her body NOT to reproduce with the strongest, most likely to survive father of her offspring, she prefers a fit man capable of throwing her over her shoulder and carrying her to his cave. Regardless of how much of a fight she puts up against the idea of you winning and establishing your masculine energy, she probably wants you to, and is going to get a little turned on by your stubborn, masculine energy. Assuming you aren’t doing anything wrong, and aren’t doing anything that will risk your relationship or your tribal (family) goals, you have no reason to secede your point. Truth be told, she wants to know that you are more of a man than she is. She needs to know it. You are the man in your relationship, right?

I’m certainly not someone that can tell you what is right for your relationship, but I don’t believe in losing yourself to someone else. If you have agreed upon tribal goals and a way forward, you should be working together on that, but you also need to be true to yourself. Being in a relationship doesn’t mean you have to always agree, it just means you’re going in the same direction and you’re going that way together because you want to. You can’t agree just because its what one person wants. You’ll quickly find yourself working in different directions assuming you’re working together and not realize you’ve grown apart until you are years down the road. You need to be the best you possible. You need to be fit. You need to be strong. These things that make you a better you make you a better asset to your tribe. They make you more attractive to your significant other. They make you more attractive to other women too, this is true, but they don’t matter. Your tribe matters, so be the best you possible for them, the rest will take care of themselves.

If you disagree, grab yourself by the balls and disagree. That is truth. That is honesty. That is honorable. If something is worth fighting for, grab yourself by the balls and fight. Fight for what is right. Fight for the sake of being true to yourself. Fight for what is yours.

 

 

The World is Mostly Assholes

The World is Mostly Assholes

I have to admit it is difficult for me to write the above title, but I’m starting to believe it. I have always been someone that believes people are inherently good, not inherently evil. Recently however, I’ve questioned my own beliefs on that stance and am wondering if I have been naïve. I’m starting to believe the world may, in fact, be mostly filled with assholes.

A few months back, something happened that changed my whole world for a little bit. Someone created a derogatory post on Social Media aimed at hurting me and a friend of mine. I was accused of cheating on my wife. This particular post was put on the local community’s “vent page,” and it instantly exploded.

The community jumped on the post. People I had never met started recounting situations of me with other women, asking for sexual favors, receiving sexual favors, and sleeping with multiple women across the community. Women from the community were commenting, retelling their stories of their time with me. Men in the community did the same toward my friend, saying they, or someone they knew, had slept with the other subject of this particular post.

The originator of the post grew to a level of local “celebritism (new word)," few in our world can hope to attain. My friend and I however, suffered the consequences of this particular post. Some good, but mostly unwanted attention. It became difficult to go into the local grocer or gas stations, because living in a small community means everyone knows who you are. Alleged scandals can’t be escaped. Work even got involved and had some pointed questions for me. 

Still today, I can’t have lunch with a co-worker of the opposite sex without someone calling or messaging my ex to inform her of my whereabouts or the company I’m in. My friend gets calls to let her know the same. 

The truth is, I never met any of the women that made allegations against me. I have no idea who they are or why they thought it was ok to make accusations against me. The same is true for my friend. She doesn’t know the men claiming to have intimate relationships with her. And I don’t go out to eat lunch anymore, I eat alone. Though I don’t have a problem going out to eat with any of my co-workers or female friends, I’m tired of this community “telling on me.” I’m completely disheartened by the actions of the community. I am saddened by humanity.

I had to do some thinking about the overall situation, but I came to the conclusion stated in the title for this week’s post. People are mostly assholes. History tells the same story.

Throughout time, like sharks, people flock to the scent of blood, prey on the weak like wolves, and circle the dying like vultures. Coliseums were built based on human desire to see people bleed and die. People used to get dressed in their Sunday Bests to attend beheading, hangings, and to watch “witches” get burned at the stake. People would accuse others of being witches just so they could watch them die.

Today is no different. I know you want to believe people are different now, but I know first hand that isn’t true. People will do or say anything just to watch others suffer. You know it’s true too. You have seen videos online of people getting hit, ran over by cars, and shot. Most of the time, the recording is done by a person that thought first to pull out their cell phone and record the action rather than try to help someone in need. And you can see in the video there are others also recording. More than likely, nobody will go to help the person in need. The truth is, nobody will come to help you either.

You will want to believe I am tainted by my personal experience. In reality, I am not tainted, I’m enlightened. I now know exactly what to expect from people. I also know what it feels like to be on the receiving end of humanities thirst for blood. I’m now more likely to stand up for others, because I know they people inciting the riots, causing the harm, recording all of it, probably don’t even realize they’re being an asshole. But, they should probably read some of my earlier posts.

Watch your back. Be a better person. Grow.

The world is mostly assholes.

Admitting and Learning from Your Mistakes: You Actually Aren’t Smarter, More Competent, or More Moral Than the Average Person.

Admitting and Learning from Your Mistakes: You Actually Aren’t Smarter, More Competent, or More Moral Than the Average Person.

You are just like everyone else. You are probably not smarter than the average person. You are probably no more competent than the average person. You are likely not more moral than the average person. You need to understand these things before you will be ready to admit you are wrong and before you can grow.

Most of us have an innate belief we are better than the average person. There is a pretty obvious reason this isn’t true. The word “average” actually refers to you. It refers to me. It refers to all the people you went to school with, work with, and every member of your family. It refers to almost everyone we know. The simple, hard truth, is you are likely very similar in intelligence, competence, and morals as the average person. You probably are, in fact, average.

It is natural to believe these things about ourselves. In fact, it's the way the average person, just like you, thinks. It is a part of your brain’s way of influencing your abilities in self-preservation. Your brain has a way of tricking you into believing you are correct. Most of the memories you have are actually not even correct because your brain, on a subconscious level, has altered your memories, pulling information from several places inside your brain, to fit the story you need to hear. You think you remember exact details, but really, your subconscious is just beating you to the punch line and showing you what your conscious self wants or needs to believe in order to fit your story.

This is why it's so hard to admit you’re wrong. You don’t actually believe you are. Somebody else wronged you. It was their actions or words that justified your actions. You had to do what you did because it was the smarter, more moral course. To be wrong, creates cognitive dissonance inside you, an internal war in your mind that makes you question your own morals, your intelligence, your capabilities. Admitting you are wrong is difficult and goes against what your conscious and subconscious mind wants for itself. Admitting you’re wrong feels like you are dumber than average, less competent, or possess lesser morals.

Below is a link for a podcast from The Art of Manliness which is worth listening to as the guest, a senior psychologist, explains more on cognitive dissonance and the difficulty we have admitting we are wrong. He provides some interesting insights into how our feelings about things actually change based on our actions as we go through life. He addresses the war we have and offers some really good advice on how you can recognize you are wrong and then grow through that admission and experience. He discusses how you can stay in that state of cognitive dissonance and use it. 

Admitting you’re wrong is one of the hardest things you’ll ever have to do. It will force you to grow. It is extremely uncomfortable. It is worth it. It will probably make you smarter, more competent, and more moral than the average person. 

Why Is It So Hard to Admit You Were Wrong? - The Art of Manliness | Podcast on Spotify

Masculinity and the Modern Man: Stop Acting Like Your Mother.

Masculinity and the Modern Man: Stop Acting Like Your Mother.

American society is waging war against her men. Social Media, Hollywood, and the streets are paved with the bones of men. Men are ridiculed, torn down, and eaten alive for displaying masculine qualities. Some of this has a degree of merit, but I feel it’s often overstepping personal boundaries and crossing a line. We are on the verge of taking purposeful active emasculation too far. It's a confusing time for men in this country who do not find themselves well grounded in who they are.

With the women’s rights movements of the 1960’s, great accomplishments which should be celebrated, we created a shift in what the world knew as the nuclear family. The importance of men in families, acting as a father, has become less “important,” is no longer “needed,” and today we actively tear father’s apart. I find these beliefs utterly wrong. The denigration of men who are no longer with the mother of their children are titled “baby daddies” and demonized by society. This attitude is creating a circular and very destructive cycle.

I was raised by my mother and I know she did the absolute best she possibly could. As hard as she worked however, she was never able to teach me anything about being a man. She may have had words about it, talked about how to properly treat women, but she was never able to show me those things. She could never show me what it meant to be a good father. She could never show me what a positive male role model looked like, because I never had one. This is the same story of countless men today.

There’s a difficult transition as boys grow into adulthood. In John Eldredge’s book, Wild at Heart, he talks about a shift that occurs in adolescent men. We tend to try to pull away from our mothers and seek more masculine energy. I equate this to a natural pull on us to seek out our own drives, our own adventures, our own tribe, to become a man. We crave the masculine energy of our heroes. We start trying to find our way among men. We seek adventure in different forms and challenge ourselves to achieve greatness. 

All too often however, we find ourselves stumbling through this transition without good male role models. We tell each other to man up, but we don't know what that actually means. We turn to other men our age, many of who are also clueless about what they are doing, and we try to learn from each other, though not consciously. Fortunately for women in this country, they are far more likely to have role models and learn what it means to be a woman, though they are similarly finding themselves without positive male role models and they are cursed with not learning what to look for in men.

None of this is a rant against women. Really, it's a rant against my fellow men. While I think we're torn down too much and man-hating is very real, we aren't doing a good enough job of actually manning-up in solidarity and holding each other accountable. 

Men need other men. We need to coach each other, mentor our sons, and be available when another man needs it. 

In my mind manning up means standing for what you believe in. It means seeking perfection through a constant drive to achieve greater things tomorrow than we did yesterday. It does mean protecting and providing, but doing so without losing yourself. It means calling other men on their bullshit, and accepting criticisms when we need them. It's about the internal struggle to he better. 

The classic views of masculinity still ring true. When the call comes, stand up and go to proverbial war. Keep yourself physically strong so you can fight for and protect what's yours. Stay driven toward your goals, unflappable in your resolve. Be angry when the time is right.