Masculinity and the Modern Man: Stop Acting Like Your Mother.

Masculinity and the Modern Man: Stop Acting Like Your Mother.

American society is waging war against her men. Social Media, Hollywood, and the streets are paved with the bones of men. Men are ridiculed, torn down, and eaten alive for displaying masculine qualities. Some of this has a degree of merit, but I feel it’s often overstepping personal boundaries and crossing a line. We are on the verge of taking purposeful active emasculation too far. It's a confusing time for men in this country who do not find themselves well grounded in who they are.

With the women’s rights movements of the 1960’s, great accomplishments which should be celebrated, we created a shift in what the world knew as the nuclear family. The importance of men in families, acting as a father, has become less “important,” is no longer “needed,” and today we actively tear father’s apart. I find these beliefs utterly wrong. The denigration of men who are no longer with the mother of their children are titled “baby daddies” and demonized by society. This attitude is creating a circular and very destructive cycle.

I was raised by my mother and I know she did the absolute best she possibly could. As hard as she worked however, she was never able to teach me anything about being a man. She may have had words about it, talked about how to properly treat women, but she was never able to show me those things. She could never show me what it meant to be a good father. She could never show me what a positive male role model looked like, because I never had one. This is the same story of countless men today.

There’s a difficult transition as boys grow into adulthood. In John Eldredge’s book, Wild at Heart, he talks about a shift that occurs in adolescent men. We tend to try to pull away from our mothers and seek more masculine energy. I equate this to a natural pull on us to seek out our own drives, our own adventures, our own tribe, to become a man. We crave the masculine energy of our heroes. We start trying to find our way among men. We seek adventure in different forms and challenge ourselves to achieve greatness. 

All too often however, we find ourselves stumbling through this transition without good male role models. We tell each other to man up, but we don't know what that actually means. We turn to other men our age, many of who are also clueless about what they are doing, and we try to learn from each other, though not consciously. Fortunately for women in this country, they are far more likely to have role models and learn what it means to be a woman, though they are similarly finding themselves without positive male role models and they are cursed with not learning what to look for in men.

None of this is a rant against women. Really, it's a rant against my fellow men. While I think we're torn down too much and man-hating is very real, we aren't doing a good enough job of actually manning-up in solidarity and holding each other accountable. 

Men need other men. We need to coach each other, mentor our sons, and be available when another man needs it. 

In my mind manning up means standing for what you believe in. It means seeking perfection through a constant drive to achieve greater things tomorrow than we did yesterday. It does mean protecting and providing, but doing so without losing yourself. It means calling other men on their bullshit, and accepting criticisms when we need them. It's about the internal struggle to he better. 

The classic views of masculinity still ring true. When the call comes, stand up and go to proverbial war. Keep yourself physically strong so you can fight for and protect what's yours. Stay driven toward your goals, unflappable in your resolve. Be angry when the time is right.