The World is Mostly Assholes

The World is Mostly Assholes

I have to admit it is difficult for me to write the above title, but I’m starting to believe it. I have always been someone that believes people are inherently good, not inherently evil. Recently however, I’ve questioned my own beliefs on that stance and am wondering if I have been naïve. I’m starting to believe the world may, in fact, be mostly filled with assholes.

A few months back, something happened that changed my whole world for a little bit. Someone created a derogatory post on Social Media aimed at hurting me and a friend of mine. I was accused of cheating on my wife. This particular post was put on the local community’s “vent page,” and it instantly exploded.

The community jumped on the post. People I had never met started recounting situations of me with other women, asking for sexual favors, receiving sexual favors, and sleeping with multiple women across the community. Women from the community were commenting, retelling their stories of their time with me. Men in the community did the same toward my friend, saying they, or someone they knew, had slept with the other subject of this particular post.

The originator of the post grew to a level of local “celebritism (new word)," few in our world can hope to attain. My friend and I however, suffered the consequences of this particular post. Some good, but mostly unwanted attention. It became difficult to go into the local grocer or gas stations, because living in a small community means everyone knows who you are. Alleged scandals can’t be escaped. Work even got involved and had some pointed questions for me. 

Still today, I can’t have lunch with a co-worker of the opposite sex without someone calling or messaging my ex to inform her of my whereabouts or the company I’m in. My friend gets calls to let her know the same. 

The truth is, I never met any of the women that made allegations against me. I have no idea who they are or why they thought it was ok to make accusations against me. The same is true for my friend. She doesn’t know the men claiming to have intimate relationships with her. And I don’t go out to eat lunch anymore, I eat alone. Though I don’t have a problem going out to eat with any of my co-workers or female friends, I’m tired of this community “telling on me.” I’m completely disheartened by the actions of the community. I am saddened by humanity.

I had to do some thinking about the overall situation, but I came to the conclusion stated in the title for this week’s post. People are mostly assholes. History tells the same story.

Throughout time, like sharks, people flock to the scent of blood, prey on the weak like wolves, and circle the dying like vultures. Coliseums were built based on human desire to see people bleed and die. People used to get dressed in their Sunday Bests to attend beheading, hangings, and to watch “witches” get burned at the stake. People would accuse others of being witches just so they could watch them die.

Today is no different. I know you want to believe people are different now, but I know first hand that isn’t true. People will do or say anything just to watch others suffer. You know it’s true too. You have seen videos online of people getting hit, ran over by cars, and shot. Most of the time, the recording is done by a person that thought first to pull out their cell phone and record the action rather than try to help someone in need. And you can see in the video there are others also recording. More than likely, nobody will go to help the person in need. The truth is, nobody will come to help you either.

You will want to believe I am tainted by my personal experience. In reality, I am not tainted, I’m enlightened. I now know exactly what to expect from people. I also know what it feels like to be on the receiving end of humanities thirst for blood. I’m now more likely to stand up for others, because I know they people inciting the riots, causing the harm, recording all of it, probably don’t even realize they’re being an asshole. But, they should probably read some of my earlier posts.

Watch your back. Be a better person. Grow.

The world is mostly assholes.

Failure to Apply

I've met and worked with thousands of people throughout my career. I've had many conversations about goals and future plans within the organization as well as life after. 

I've found many people have big plans for the future, but often settle for less than what they really want. Goals tend to be one step below achieving greatness. While I agree not everyone can be great, few reach the top 5% of society, many people underestimate their own abilities. 

I’ve learned people are their own biggest reason for not achieving their goals. As we look at the world around us, we tend to compare ourselves to all the greats. The people who have achieved the loftiest of goals and successfully pursued their dreams. We read about and see countless examples of people living lives we aspire to. The problem with this comparison, is we aren’t those people.

We don’t often see the hard work it takes to get to the highest places. We underestimate the amount of luck and undervalue the risks taken by people we think have it all. The truth is, we aren’t likely to achieve all the same things others have. Those people we watch from a distance aren’t the rule, they’re the exception. The biggest difference between most of us and them however, is they took risks. They put themselves out there while we sit safely behind our walls.

Many people will not graduate from college for one reason only; they won’t submit an application. I believe most people tend to take themselves out of the competition before they even enter it. We have a tendency to self-disqualification, a defeatist attitude that holds us back. We didn’t apply to Yale, Princeton, MIT, because we “knew we wouldn’t get in.” We remove the possibility of reward to spare ourselves the risk of failure.

While there are certainly things we don’t qualify for, the reality is only the bravest (or most narccississtic) among us will find out the truth. We will never get accepted if we don't put in the work and apply. Sometimes, applying is all it takes because everyone else is thinking the same way and didn't. Simply putting in the application, asking for that job, stepping into the ring is the most important step. The first step starts us down the path to accomplishing our goals.

A Principle: Today is My Last Day to Train (Learn)

I have four principles I try to live by both professionally and personally. I really think others can benefit from these principles, regardless of the career field in which they work. In an effort to better message, and reach out to members of my profession, as well as others, I’m going to write about the first principle here and write about the others in subsequent articles.

The first principle: Maintain and attitude that says, “today is my last day to train (learn).” This principle, I believe, is especially important to those in the profession of arms, but still applies to those who are not. The examples I discuss here may be focused on the profession of arms, but that doesn’t mean there no examples in other areas.

This principle is simple in a lot of ways, but is also very demanding. We must always strive to improve ourselves and our organizations. Every day we have to ask ourselves what we’ve done to make ourselves and our organizations better. If, in asking ourselves this question, we cannot find a sufficient and legitimate answer, we might need to step back into the office, or into the field, and get back to work. Our day simply cannot end if we haven’t done what is required of us.

The answer to this question also doesn’t have to be anything too elaborate. If we have conducted battle-drills with our Soldiers, if we have studied our craft, if we’ve taken the time to train, coach, and mentor our subordinates, we’ve done exactly what we needed to do. The challenge is in the little stuff. As we all know the importance of, and strive for, mastery of the basics, there are so many little things we can do to better prepare our soldiers for unexpected war. Something as simple as magazine changes, helps every subordinate be more lethal on the battle field.

We have all been to firing ranges and seen the young soldier have a malfunction and be completely lost on the correction of that malfunction. The easy cop-out is to blame that Soldier for not attending Primary Marksmanship Instruction (PMI), or not paying close enough attention. I would have you direct your anger, or rather disappointment, to his supervisor. How many times has his first-line supervisor taken that soldier out and conduct magazine changes? Have his Leaders made him go conduct “SPORTS” (proper immediate action on a malfunctioned rifle) to the point it is muscle memory? Or did we, as leaders, trust the PMI to have been enough? Now, is not the time for this Soldier to learn the proper technique. He is now on the firing line, and his score counts.

This example is a perfect Segway as we apply this principle to combat operations. We have to treat every day as though it is our last to train because we never know when the call will come. We don’t know when the proverbial balloon will go up. We cannot allow our Soldiers, or ourselves, to have to conduct anything for the very first time when the enemy is actively engaging us. We, as leaders, have to do everything we can to get that training in now. It doesn’t matter if that training is focused on closing with and destroying the enemies of our nation, defending ourselves, or in the careful application of our craft in stressful environments.

If we haven’t experienced those phone calls, or the constant change of timelines for deployments to training or overseas, we can at least imagine it and conclude priorities will shift tremendously when called to deploy in support of our nation. There will be no more time to train. Bags will be packed, containers will be loaded, vehicles will be readied, and time with families will be the number one priority of ourselves as well as our Soldiers. Training, will cease to exist when we get the call for war. At that point, it is too late.

I urge us all to maintain an attitude that says “today is my last day to train!”

New Year's Resolutions; Attempts Made by the Undisciplined

I'm not a fan of New Year's Resolutions. Personally, I find them to be cheap, insincere, excuses.

If you want to change something about yourself, just do it. Stop waiting. Don't use the calendar as an excuse to put off something that you want to do. We are given 365 days a year to make decisions about who we are and who we want to be. If you're willing to completely ignore 364 of those days (364 opportunities to change), then do you honestly believe that you are going to change yourself on day one, simply because the year changes? I don't think so.

Donald Sensing talks about this particular issue as well in a post last month. I personally agree with him and think that his points are valid. I want to bring up some other thoughts as well though.

If you have goals, go after them. Don't wait. By establishing New Year's Resolutions, you are essentially making as many as 364 daily decisions NOT to make yourself better. Why then, after creating a habit of NOT making yourself better, do you expect that you are suddenly going to stick with a new habit and be a better you? It just doesn't make any sense to me.

Now, for some help in bettering yourself.

1. Set goals. Think BIG picture. What is the desired end-state for you? Where do you want to be? Now, with that in mind, when do you want to have this goal accomplished? Once you've answered those questions, you are ready to begin.

2. Set "micro-goals." Now that you've established the long-term goal, think through all the steps that it is going to take to get there and put dates to each of those micro goals, working backwards, each building on the previous, to accomplish your over-all desired goal.

3. Start today, not in 2016!

Here is an example.

Goal: I want to have my Master's degree in X. I want to graduate with the class of 2018. It will cost me $$$$$
Micro-goals:
1. I must enroll in grad classes in the fall of 2016. I must have saved $$$$.
2. I must submit my applications in the spring of 2016. I must have saved $$$.
3. I must take GRE/GMAT/other required measurement in the fall of 2015. I must have saved $$.
4. I must start studying for the GRE/GMAT/other required measurement in the summer of 2015. I must have saved $.
5. I must start saving for tuition today!

This is a pretty simple, rudimentary example. If you have larger goals (I want to be a Doctor, a Lawyer, an Astronaut), it will require more thought, probably more time, and plenty of dedication.

My point is this, if you don't like something about yourself, don't wait to change...change now.