Self-Talk is Bullshit - Stop Hiding, Start Acting - A Rant

I have to say it. I’m really sick of all the positive self-talk memes that constantly flood our Social Media. I’ve seen countless memes telling people how important they are, how much better they are than other people, how they are exactly who they are supposed to be. It’s bullshit, and I think it is honestly getting in the way of people’s ability to grow.

I constantly see posts about not allowing other people to be negative influences on our psyche, and I do agree with that at its core, but what if I told you feedback from anyone is still feedback. The most evil people in the world will attack your greatest vulnerabilities because that is where you are weak. Telling myself “that person is just evil and I deserve better,” doesn’t actually help me work on my weakness. 

I do believe there is power in both negative and positive self-talk. I believe good self-talk can keep us thinking in the right ways. We can remind ourselves we are strong enough to deal with the situation we’re in. We can convince ourselves to keep driving forward toward our goals. On the contrary, negative self-talk tells us we aren’t good enough, we never will be, and we should probably just quit. Clearly we need to avoid negative thoughts.

I challenge however, that positive self-talk without action isn’t as powerful as we need it to be. We can’t just tell ourselves we’re awesome like everyone wants us to believe. We aren’t special. We aren’t entitled to perfection. Being extraordinary requires disciplined self reflection, initiative, and action toward the goals we want and sometimes need to achieve.

Unpopular opinion: Sometimes you’re the one that’s wrong. Sometimes you’re the person that needs to listen to other people when they say you need to work on some things. Sometimes that feedback, those criticisms, can drive self-reflection and growth. If we allow our self-talk to get in the way of reflection, we will never grow. If we can’t look internally to see our own faults, we can’t manifest ourselves into greater beings. 

Sometimes we are wrong. Sometimes we need to admit that, not to others, but to ourselves. The power of self reflection is that it enables us to take feedback and criticisms, even the ones that are grotesquely harsh and mean, and learn from them.

Do not shy away from the people that attack you. Pay attention to them. They will teach you where you are weakest. They will show you the areas you most need to work on. Then, use that information for your own personal gain. After you have strengthened those areas, then you will be ready to move on. After growth, you can rise to bigger challenges. Do not turn a blind eye to vulnerabilities, embrace them and turn them into strengths.

Give 100% in Everything You Do

This is my second principle. It is one we’ve all heard about one-million times. It is even cliché in many ways. We have so many things we do every day, how do we expect that we will be able to give 100% effort to all of it (the discussion on multi-tasking is one I’ll save for another day, or let you do your own research). There is more to the idea of giving 100% however, than the, often, short-sighted thought or view-point we give to it.

Most of us apply this principle automatically to the things we are passionate about; the things we care about personally and the things which will give us measurable gains in some area of our lives. If we know or expect we realize some gains from our endeavors, we give extreme effort toward the conduct of our business.

Here is the principle in application. What we have to do is ensure we are applying a deliberate decision-making process to every task we are given. Here is the process I use. Ask yourself the following questions:

1. “Is this worth 100% of my effort?” If the answers lead to “yes, this is worth doing,” then give it 100% of your effort. If “no,” then ask the following question.

2. “Is there a good reason to do it?” If the answer “yes, there is a good reason,” then give it 100% of your effort. If “no,” move on to next, tougher question.

3. “Why am I doing this, is it even worth doing?” Often, if we reach this point in the decision process, we have to actually start asking outside sources. We often have to go to the person asking us to accomplish the task and ask them the questions. Sometimes we have to challenge our superiors on the tasks they’ve given us. If the reasoning can be explained and you are convinced it is worth your time, then give it 100%.

           We always have to ask ourselves if things are worth doing. If we can’t think of a reason, then we have to ask our superiors the tough questions and seek clarification. We need the clarification in order to give the appropriate amount of effort to the appropriate tasks.

           The bottom line I’m trying to get after with this principle is we can’t do everything, but anything we do should be to the absolute best of our abilities. Giving the appropriate amount of effort (100%), ensures we are getting our work done to standard and builds trust in ourselves and between us and our subordinates, peers, superiors, friends, and family.

A Principle: Today is My Last Day to Train (Learn)

I have four principles I try to live by both professionally and personally. I really think others can benefit from these principles, regardless of the career field in which they work. In an effort to better message, and reach out to members of my profession, as well as others, I’m going to write about the first principle here and write about the others in subsequent articles.

The first principle: Maintain and attitude that says, “today is my last day to train (learn).” This principle, I believe, is especially important to those in the profession of arms, but still applies to those who are not. The examples I discuss here may be focused on the profession of arms, but that doesn’t mean there no examples in other areas.

This principle is simple in a lot of ways, but is also very demanding. We must always strive to improve ourselves and our organizations. Every day we have to ask ourselves what we’ve done to make ourselves and our organizations better. If, in asking ourselves this question, we cannot find a sufficient and legitimate answer, we might need to step back into the office, or into the field, and get back to work. Our day simply cannot end if we haven’t done what is required of us.

The answer to this question also doesn’t have to be anything too elaborate. If we have conducted battle-drills with our Soldiers, if we have studied our craft, if we’ve taken the time to train, coach, and mentor our subordinates, we’ve done exactly what we needed to do. The challenge is in the little stuff. As we all know the importance of, and strive for, mastery of the basics, there are so many little things we can do to better prepare our soldiers for unexpected war. Something as simple as magazine changes, helps every subordinate be more lethal on the battle field.

We have all been to firing ranges and seen the young soldier have a malfunction and be completely lost on the correction of that malfunction. The easy cop-out is to blame that Soldier for not attending Primary Marksmanship Instruction (PMI), or not paying close enough attention. I would have you direct your anger, or rather disappointment, to his supervisor. How many times has his first-line supervisor taken that soldier out and conduct magazine changes? Have his Leaders made him go conduct “SPORTS” (proper immediate action on a malfunctioned rifle) to the point it is muscle memory? Or did we, as leaders, trust the PMI to have been enough? Now, is not the time for this Soldier to learn the proper technique. He is now on the firing line, and his score counts.

This example is a perfect Segway as we apply this principle to combat operations. We have to treat every day as though it is our last to train because we never know when the call will come. We don’t know when the proverbial balloon will go up. We cannot allow our Soldiers, or ourselves, to have to conduct anything for the very first time when the enemy is actively engaging us. We, as leaders, have to do everything we can to get that training in now. It doesn’t matter if that training is focused on closing with and destroying the enemies of our nation, defending ourselves, or in the careful application of our craft in stressful environments.

If we haven’t experienced those phone calls, or the constant change of timelines for deployments to training or overseas, we can at least imagine it and conclude priorities will shift tremendously when called to deploy in support of our nation. There will be no more time to train. Bags will be packed, containers will be loaded, vehicles will be readied, and time with families will be the number one priority of ourselves as well as our Soldiers. Training, will cease to exist when we get the call for war. At that point, it is too late.

I urge us all to maintain an attitude that says “today is my last day to train!”

Stop utilizing utilize! Try using utilize or even use.

I have really started to hate the word utilize. Well, that statement may be aimed at the wrong target. I don't actually have any issues with the word, in fact I think it's a great word, I hate the way people are over using it.

I've been sitting here trying to figure out why people utilize utilize so often and improperly. My grammar is far from perfect, but I think we can all try to speak and write more clearly and concisely. So far, I've really only come up with three reasons people utilize utilize improperly.

1. They want to sound smarter than you. I think this is probably the most common reason for the incorrect utilization of utilize. The syllable words are bigger than single syllable words (utilize vs. use), and therefore make you sound smarter (or like an idiot).

2. They want to speak better than you. I think some people actually have who problems that lead them to believe they are legitimately better than the rest of us (narcissism). I'll admit I do suffer from this issue sometimes, but please refrain from deliberately advertising your narcissism to the world.

3. They are too lazy to use a dictionary. This is probably pretty common as well. I don't know how often the average person picks up a dictionary before they use a new word, but its a practice that should be performed more often.

Believe it or not,  there are definitional differences between use and utilize. I'll let you look up the definitions, but I will share the way I understand it:

Use is used when something is used as it is intended.

Utilize is used when something is utilized in a way that it was never intended to be used.

Example: You use a hammer to drive a nail. You can not utilize a hammer to drive a nail.

You can utilize a rock to drive a nail.

There is some leeway when using use. There is no leeway when using utilize.

Fiddlerman Carbon Fiber Bow

All right, try to remember that I am still just a novice at the violin, so bear with me and understand that these are the opinions of a novice.  That being said, this is meant to inform, not persuade you in any potential purchases. 

First and foremost, compared to the cheap bow that came with my cheap violin, this bow is of phenomenal quality.  The bow is straight and therefore so is the bow hair.  The from is tight and stays in the exact place that you place it.  The bow is also beautiful.  The mother-of-pearl inlays are gorgeous.  The feel is wonderful.

A video of my review:



Some pictures of the details: 

This picture is a little deceiving.  The balance points were closer than what it looks like.  Sorry, I didn't have the ability to actually measure the balance points though.

Cutting Weight For a Tournament

Cutting Weight

Back in high school wrestling I used to always make weight at one weight class, but I almost always ended up wrestling up a weight class (I wasn't that good, and that was the only way I was always going to have a slot on the Varsity Team).  I never really had to struggle with cutting weight like some of the real small kids did though.  I had NO problem making weight at 172 (and wrestling at 189), and I remember distinctly how much some of the other guys had to put themselves through just to make weight at 103, 112, and some of the other weight classes.

Now that I'm an adult, and involved in grappling again, I've started to see the real value in being the big guy in a smaller weight bracket.  A year ago, I was weighing about 225.  My Jiu Jitsu, and other motivating factors, has brought me down to a walk around weight now of about 195.  Obviously, losing those thirty pounds has really helped out my health, and helped me get better in my Jiu Jitsu as well.  But I've found myself in between weight classes.  Typical cutoffs are 190 and 205.  Now, weighing 195 (NOT at all "cut") going against guys that are walking around at 225 and cutting to 205, makes for a pretty tough fight. 

I've got a tournament on Saturday, and I'm trying to cut to 181 lbs.  I have to tell you though, that I didn't realize that the weight class required me to get to 181 until yesterday.  So basically, while I had been working on it, I wasn't quite prepared for the extra 8 lbs that I suddenly needed to lose.  DISASTER was my immediate reaction.  I thought about giving up on the cut, but instead I've decided to re double my efforts.  So, we will see on Saturday morning whether or not I make the weight. 

So you might be wondering how I'm going to lose that much weight, that quickly.  Well, the truth is, that it will not be a permanent weight loss by ANY MEANS.  And it will not be the healthiest of weight losses either.  Basically, at this point, the plan is to dehydrate myself to the point that I make weight.  I'm spending a lot of time outside in the heat, doing lots of cardio, continuing to train, eating VERY little, drinking VERY little, and taking salt-water baths.  Basically all the things that make you sweat and pull the water out of your body.  The good news is that up until this point, I have been very well hydrated.  I make it a point to drink AT LEAST 1.5 gallons of WATER a day.  Right now, I'm down to about a quart per day, and if I have to tomorrow, I will completely stop taking in liquids.

Obviously, this is NOT what you would consider a typical weight loss scenario.  In fact, it's pretty hard on the body, very difficult to maintain, and can be down right dangerous.  It's VERY important that if you've never cut weight like this before (I have done it a couple times before), that you don't try to do more than you can handle.  It is possible that you could literally kill yourself in the process.  So no, I don't advise doing it this way.  If I had been paying better attention to the weight classes for this specific tournament I would have done this smarter, and actually tried to lose the weight in a more healthy manner.  I have a tournament coming up in august actually that will require a similar weight, so for that one, I will take my time and do it right.  Basically, starting now. 

Well, that's all, I just wanted to write quickly about cutting weight because my mood is not currently very good, and I needed to do some venting.  If I can offer any advice, it is this:  Pay close attention to the weight classes in tournaments you plan on competing in.  But it sure will be nice to be one of the bigger guys in the weight class. 

Remember, your support is motivating!

Update as of 16 JUNE.

I made weight.  It was a good feeling to make the weight.  What I didn't talk about earlier, was how to recover from something like this quick enough that you have a little energy during the actual competition.  Of course, adrenalin helps a lot, but it's not enough by itself. 

What I did was eat a small "Balance" bar every hour.  I think these have a VERY good mix of nutrition and the calories come from a variety of places.  The calories come from a pretty even mix of fats, proteins, and carbs, so your body gets everything that it needs.  Also, by eating bars, one at a time, over the course of several hours, you get small, easily digestible meals that your body can use without the feeling of a brick in your stomach.

To rehydrate I drank LOTS of water, and a little bit of watered down powerade.  I drank about a gallon between 7:00 and 12:00.  So I was ready to go when it was time.  Good luck to all those cutting for ANY competition.

Should the IBJJF World Championship Require Qualifying Rounds?

For this, I'm just curious what everyone else thinks.  Should the International Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu Federation (IBJJF) require athletes to qualify for the Mundials?  If so, what would be a good standard to meet in order to "qualify?"

I was having this conversation with a friend of mine as we were watching the Mundials this evening at his house (I owe him a huge thanks for having my family and I over).  We were thinking that you would get a more realistic definition of "world champ" if the IBJJF required athletes to participate in certain qualifying rounds.

Currently, there is no requirement, and anyone can compete in the "World Championship."  Now, for people who live in far-off lands, don't have IBJJF competitions in their country at all, or simply can't afford to compete more than once a year, this is perfect.  It allows anyone and everyone, regardless of their record, to take a shot at the title.  There is a certain aspect of purity involved in running the competition this way.  It's the very definition of the American dream, coming from nowhere, and making something of yourself through nothing more than merit.

Some might argue however, that this isn't reason enough to allow everyone in to the competition.  Should people have to qualify?  With the Mundials occurring in southern California (a dense population of jiu-jitsuka), anyone in the area can compete.  There is a certain fairness factor here that is violated for the guys who are truly great, have competed time and again, travel the country to go to multiple competitions, and have to fly from all over the country just to get to the competition.  I have a friend in my gym that competed this year.  He did phenomenal.  But he competes regularly in competitions up and down the east coast, and spends, literally, thousands of dollars every year just to compete.  The trip to the worlds alone cost him a lot of money, while the "locals" may ONLY pay the entrance fee.  Obviously, the IBJJF has nothing to do with how much it does or doesn't cost a competitor to travel, but they can eliminate those who have not "earned the right" to compete in the worlds, don't suffer from jet lag, and treat the Mundials as nothing more than another tournament.  If I were a top competitor from Europe for example, and came here only to get injured by someone who has never competed and doesn't even fully understand the rules, I would be furious. 

Lets take the rule set as it currently applies, and apply it to the UFC.  Let's pretend for one second that there is no requirement to be "asked" to fight in the Octagon.  Let's pretend that UFC 200, is going to be an open format tournament, and anyone can compete.  Is it fair for the Pros to have to fight their way through people who have never fought, just so they can make there way back in to the group of elite mixed martial artists where they belong?  I'm not so sure that it is.  Though the rule set is awesome for the dreamer that simply hasn't been discovered yet, I think this is the wrong format for him to be discovered.

So I guess you understand my stand-point on this debate.  I'm curious what others think about this.  Please, comment and let me know, ESPECIALLY if you agree with how the rule set is currently.  I'd really like to hear the other side as well.  It's possible that I just don't understand it.  Or maybe I'm just jealous of all the other blue belts that live in southern California and only have to drive an hour to compete at the worlds.  I'm pretty sure I would be there, but I also compete in other tournaments, and would still respect the tournament if it wasn't open to guys like me, who have not earned the right to be there.